Fat is NOT a feeling!

Fat is not a feeling.

It isn’t. You can’t “feel” fat just like you can’t “feel” orange.

“But I can!” you say, “I feel fat.”

Sure, some days we wake up feeling bloated or water loaded, but still it doesn’t mean you are fat. And maybe you are overweight, but still Fat is not a feeling! And, what we consider fat in our culture is considered beautiful in another culture. Our perspective becomes skewed by our own culturally idealized body images. And…fat is not a feeling. Really it is an internal feeling that is then projected onto our appearance.

“But, I ate so much yesterday I must have gained 10lbs overnight!”

No, that again is a distortion. If you look at how our body weight naturally ebbs and flows it can vary from day to day how much we weigh. That is usually within a three-pound range. You can’t gain 10 lbs overnight. But, I don’t want to get into the science of it, more the psychological aspect.

I love how Dr. Stacy Nye a specialist in the field of eating disorders describes this, “Saying I feel fat can often be a common denominator for a variety of powerful forces, especially dysphoric moods.”

(Dysphoric = an emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression, or unease.)

“The problem comes when a person is unable to decipher these moods and they get condensed into a final common denominator – feeling fat.”

Some people use this as a catchall. They are anxious – they interpret it, as “I feel fat.” They are scared of a social situation and so they say, “I feel fat.” They are lonely…then they say, “I feel fat.”

And you know, it is a universal phrase don’t you think? It is much easier to say to someone, “I feel fat today.” Then to say, “Gosh I am really lonely and down today.”

The technical term for this is Alexithymia – not being able to read feelings.

“Even if you are overweight, your actual weight is not what leads you to feel fat one minute and not the next, and not the problem that needs to be dealt with at the time. Just like the problem with gambling is not the cards. The problem with compulsive shopping is not the stores. The problem with feeling fat is not literal fatness, but the painful emotional state within.” Says Dr. Nye.

To change this catchall phrase from falling out of your mouth starts with learning to notice your emotions. And it takes time, to be able to identify and recognize those emotions. But, to do so will help you be a much more balanced and emotionally intelligent person!

How do I do this you ask?

First, the next time you hear the phrase in your mind beginning to land into words. Ask yourself, “What is it that I am really feeling?” Am I lonely? Am I tired? Am I anxious? Am I nervous? 

If you can’t identify your emotion…google “emotions” and then pick one! There are a multitude of different emotions.

Another helpful tool is a behavior chain. The behavior chain can help you back up in time to find out what led to the statement “I feel fat.” It is like retracing your steps when you lose something.

Start with the statement, “I feel fat.” Then work backwards to emotions, feelings, and prompting events that might have led up to the feeling. Most likely you will see in the pattern something that led up to it. Then begin to notice times when it happens most often. Is it when you are in certain situations? Around certain people? Watching certain TV shows?

Once you notice what is beneath the statement then you can get to what is underneath it! Then you can work on a real solution, and most likely you will have less “I feel fat non feelings!”

On that same note,  a new book just came out called 

Women God and Food. I haven’t read it, but it sounds fantastic and goes deeper into this issue I am talking about. Here is the link to the book:

http://www.amazon.com/Women-Food-God-Unexpected-Everything/dp/1416543074

Happy Living!

Lee

Nutrition!!

Ok, Fitness Mamas! It is time we talked a bit about nutrition!

How to eat?

What to eat?

What is healthy?

All those questions that you can find an array of answers to, making the maze of eating so confusing!

I hesitate sometimes writing about nutrition, because I am not a Registered Dietician. When someone asked that I write about this I felt like I needed to go find a good article on the subject or book or something. But, then I realized…duh…I don’t need someone else’s opinion here. This is my blog! ha! I know a lot about eating and nutrition!

AND!!  I do work in an Eating Disorders Treatment facility and teach people to eat every day (as well as other things) and have spent the last 14 years recovering from my own eating disorder, so I guess I have some sort of understanding of the complex world of nutrition. So, I will give you my take on eating and fueling the body. 

What I have found personally is quite simple. I live by these guidelines in my own eating as well as teach others these same principles. They are quite simple. 

I think in our society we make eating way too complex! You don’t need to read books on the subject, watch shows on the subject, or subscribe to some sort of eating program. UNLESS you struggle with disordered eating and need expert advice on the subject. If that is the case then I encourage you to see a Registered Dietician …NOT a nutritionist. A Registered Dietician is the best person to see on this subject.

So here is the nitty gritty. I will write more specific blogs later in the week regarding questions this might bring up.

1. ALL foods fit. Yep, sorry folks but they do. All foods fit. Now, that comes with a caveat…and that is MODERATION! Sure if you eat French fries every day you are going to see some negative effects. You know what those are. Take the language “good” and “bad” food out of your vocabulary! Some foods are of course better for you, but why do we need to call food “bad?”

2. “If all foods fit then what should I be eating?”

Well of course your best bet is to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and get the right amount of protein, and carbohydrates. Yes, carbohydrates. You DO NEED THOSE! Remember balance is the key here. And dessert is also in that “all foods fit” category. If you don’t eat dessert you are MUCH more likely to want, crave, obsessively desire dessert and then overeat! I eat dessert every single day. That way I enjoy it and don’t crave it!

3. Shouldn’t I eat all Organic? Sure if you have tons of money! The reality is we all can’t get to Whole Foods or Trader Joes every week! So, be gracious with yourself and eat organic when you can. But, don’t not eat b/c it isn’t organic! Geesh…we have a life to live you know!

4. One rule I live by is that I NEVER skip meals. EVER! No matter what! For example…Saturday I went to get my hair done at 12:00.  I didn’t leave the salon until 2:30. But, I had also eaten breakfast and a morning snack, so my body was ok. Anyway – my husband and I were going to dinner at 5:30. So, it would make sense to not eat and just wait until dinner. But, my tummy was telling me it was hungry at 2:30. I knew if I didn’t listen to it, I would eat way more than it needed at dinner. So I had some lunch at 2:30. Then when I went to dinner I wasn’t famished and was able to give my body what it needed.

5. Your body is smart! If you listen to it, really listen to it, it will tell you what it needs. It needs food every 3-4 hours. It really does. And it will tell you when it is hungry…it will tell you when it is full! You need to listen to it and give it what it needs. THEN…you know what happens? If you listen to it, give it what it needs, and give it some exercise…it will find a weight that it is meant to be at. AND stay there! The problem is we want it (the body) to be at a weight sometimes that we are not genetically meant to be. And guess what? That is where the trouble starts. If you try and keep your weight at a place that it isn’t naturally meant to be, you are going to be fighting with your body for the rest of your life. That doesn’t sound like fun!

So..I give you this challenge. Try a few days of living with;

1. All foods fit. 2. Eating and exercising in moderation 3. Listen to your body 

AND finally – asking yourself before you run to the fridge to scrounge…

HALT 

Am I Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired? Only one of those leads to food! If your tummy says it is full then maybe you are using food as feelings not what it is meant to be FUEL! That is all it is! 

So fuel up Fitness Mamas! Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full, and then listen to your other cues!

A great book to learn intuitive eating is called Mindful Eating (here is the link to it below)

http://www.bulimia.com/productdetails.cfm?PC=1220

And…if you struggle with using food for more than fuel then I encourage you to check out this organization called Finding Balance. www.findingbalance.org

They help people break free from a disordered relationship with food.

Hope this helps! Please..send me your questions and I would be more than happy to write about it here!

Happy Living!

Lee

Body and Soul Fitness!

Hello Fitness Mamas! Forgive me that it has been so long. I have been focusing my time on writing, not for my blogs, but for my books. No, not published books…but books I hope to someday get published. It is a sobering, humbling, exhausting and often frustrating venture, yet I go back for more! Some day these books I am writing will find their place in this world!

Anyway – it has left me little time to write here, and I hope you will forgive me for that. J

I am so dyiiing to share with you my latest adventure!

Last week I was invited to attend a fitness class to experience something called Body De La Sol.

I had an exhausting day at home with my three boys and was all cozy on the couch watching Electric Company when the time rolled around. I didn’t want to go. But, I had told this girl who invited me I would. So I went.

So I haphazardly made my way to the club, and into the class.

I didn’t want to be there.

I am not a fan of exercising at night. Then, the instructor bounded in with her shiny white smile and energizer bunny energy. Now I really didn’t want to be there!

I wonder if you are thinking I am going to talk about how bad this class was? Well it wasn’t! It was by far one of the most inspiring and encouraging classes I have ever attended. The instructor had a genuine zest for life that was contagious! Every song she played was fast, fun, and with positive inspirational words. (Ok…maybe it was just 80’s music…but it sure felt inspirational!). I was jamming out having a blast and quickly shedding my stress! 

But it wasn’t just the music or the energetic instructor. It was the music, the instructor, and the amazing things she was saying to us. It wasn’t a class where the instructor was yelling, “Burn off those calories.” But where she was inspiring us by saying:

“Love the skin you are in!

See the way your body moves!

Listen to what it has to say.

There is no one else like you!

You are unique!”

I tell the patients I work with these things every day, yet I didn’t realize how much I still needed to hear them. What a great reminder it was. What a gift it was at the end of my long stressful day! The class was for my body and my soul.

By the end I was bobbing and jiving with the rest of them, and couldn’t help but smile!

She even had us doing all sorts of funky things with our butts! And I couldn’t stop laughing!

I would hear her encourage – “Don’t be afraid! Let loose!”

The woman in front of me had the best moves of anyone I have ever seen, she could swivel and sway her behind exactly the way it was supposed to.

Mine, not so much. It is kind of like a pancake, so it doesn’t move that well.

After class I complimented her on her behind gymnastics. She looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care! I had been transformed. The class was so encouraging…having those words almost screamed in your ears can’t hurt. Because you know what, you remember them! For the rest of the night I kept hearing her voice, “Don’t live in Fear.” “You were created to be you!” Sounds cheesy, but it does touch a place in your soul that needs it.

So finally the class was over, and I wasn’t relieved, I was sad! I wanted more!

As we were walking out, the instructor stood at the exit to hug everyone. I tried to slip out without receiving a hug, but she wouldn’t let me. I said, “Oh I don’t need one.” And she just hugged me tightly. That part was a little much, but her heart was so in the right place that I didn’t really mind.

So, if you live in Minnesota and want to try this class out I so encourage you to do so! If you live somewhere that has a class like this…don’t be afraid! Go! You won’t be disappointed!

What a gift this class was to my body and soul! Let me know if you want more information and I will send you the details.

And happy living! There really only is one YOU…enjoy it!

Lee

Michelle Obama and her daughters’ weight??

I am sure you have heard by now about the debate regarding Mrs. Obama and her daughters. Her pediatrician alerted her recently that her daughters were on the verge of obesity. Mrs. Obama has decided to discuss it with the world.

Here is my two cents on this.

I do believe our society needs a bit of a “wake up” call regarding weight, body image, obesity AND eating disorders (There are many eating disorders besides just Anorexia)! But, crying outrage against obesity from the president might or might not be the way to go about it. We will have to wait and see. 

What I think is more crucial is the education piece! Maybe before she announced to the world that her daughters were at risk she should have done some research regarding eating disorders as well as the delicate issue surrounding talking to her daughters about food and body image. Maybe she should have thought of how that kind of public scrutiny would affect her daughters.

Do I think her daughters are MORE at risk to develop an eating disorder because she is publicly talking about their weight? Nope. That is where public needs more education. Remember this is just my opinion .

But, eating disorders happen in all types of families. They can happen when the Mom has an eating disorder, when the Mom is critical, and when none of that is present. It is true that the mothers (and fathers) eating habits as well as attitudes around body image and weight will affect the children in some way. BUT…they DON’T cause eating disorders. They may cause insecurity with weight, body, and yo-yo dieting. But they DON’T cause eating disorders. I (and many in the eating disorder community believe an eating disorder is a disease and the person must first have a pre-disposition towards addictive behavior. Then, combine that with an overly critical mother and an overwhelming set of circumstances and the eating disorder can for sure take root, but you really need the pre-disposition to addictive behavior – FIRST.

You see…not all college students who drink become alcoholics. Not all children of alcoholics become alcoholics. But, for those with the addictive pre-disposition and/or genetic make-up they will be much more at risk to develop an addiction. So, if the Obama’s daughters have this pre-disposition and they are looking for a negative coping skill that is pretty easy to pick up, they might develop an eating disorder. 

An eating disorder is an addiction. It is also a way to cope. Just because Michelle Obama is putting their weight in the spotlight does not mean they are going to develop an eating disorder. 

Ok, now here is where some of you might not agree. But, if one of her daughters does develop an eating disorder (which I would hope and pray not) having the First Family address an issue and maybe put money to an issue that is affecting millions of men and women might not be a bad thing. Sorry, but it is true! 

In conclusion, I was saddened by her comments mostly because it is embarrassing for her daughters. What is she going to announce next, when they have their periods? And, I hope what comes out of this is better education about eating disorders, better education for our society about positive coping skills, and more money to fund eating disorder research as well as eating disorders being recognized as a disease by insurance companies. And, to talk about what leads to obesity and having a more balanced perspective in this culture would be really great too!

Hope this helps!

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Happy Living! 

Lee

IntenSati?

Ok. Normally I don’t get sucked in to this stuff.

But I did.

And I am sharing it with you.

This lady who started the IntenSati method was on the Today show the other day while I was at the club. I found her theories to be interesting. Not because of the weight loss aspect, but more of her philosophy. 

Here is a little more information about her method:

“This program, called IntenSati, teaches you how to use your conscious, goal-making mind to access and awaken your spiritual or subconscious mind, the part of your mind that holds your beliefs about yourself, your personality, and the driving center of your actions. Ultimately we can set all the goals we want, but until we take action, we are just big talkers and will continue fueling the belief that it is too hard or impossible to have the life and body we want. You have everything you need right now within you to fulfill any goal; this program helps you awaken and channel that power.”

I know. Very similar to Yoga. But, Yoga is too mellow for me. I like to kick and punch and yell! I feel like I already do what she is talking about, using exercise as a time to think about my goals, beliefs, etc. In fact my exercise time is where I do a lot of my writing and praying.  So, I jive with what she is talking about and kind of like it. The part I don’t like is the idea that we CAN have the body we want. Sorry, if God gave you a pear shape…you will have a pear shape. If God gave you hips, you will have hips. I believe more along the lines of we should tone and firm what we have and not try to mold ourselves into a body we think we can have, because that body might not be possible in your genetic make-up. But, I do like her positive beliefs about using exercise in a positive way. Very interesting.

Here is a link to the article on it 

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/34826012/ns/today-today_books/

I think it would be a blast to take one of her classes. But she doesn’t live here. I could buy the book, but that is a lot of work! So, if any of you hear of a class like this, or go to one, I would love to hear what you thought of it!

Happy Living!

Lee

A plea…

I am sitting quietly in the oversized brown and wine colored chair.

Legs crossed politely.

Eyes perusing the lobby for something to look at. There are no magazines. No people. Nothing to do but look around.

Just a low-lighted-simply-classy decorated lobby. The receptionist is exceptionally friendly. She has to be, knowing what we, the women here are about to do.

After being directed to my “dressing room,” I heed the instructions given by yet another friendly woman, to put on the gown and keep it open in the front. 

Lovely.

Only women can work here I  think laughing to myself. Can you imagine a man working here? He would think he died and went to heaven! 

Once inside the x-ray room I realize it is just me, the overly polite x-ray tech, and the monstorous x-ray machine.

I always wondered what it would look like, the large machine intended to squish my breasts into flatter pancakes than thaey already are, and now it towers over me…faces me…stares me down.

The x-ray tech begins to talk ever so politely and I interrupt.

“Really? I just lay it out there on that table? Just like that?”

Yes. She says flatly.

That was supposed to be funny I think to myself. Come on, throw me a bone here lady! Plopping my x-small breasts that had the life sucked out of them by three overzealous boys will be quite the challenge for you. 

“Do you have a machine small enough for mine!” I say, my words dripping with humor.

Silence.

I try again. “So you do this all day long?” I say lightly while she pinches my skin with her hands and tightens the vice down on my breast. 

“I have to do something all day.” She says flippantly. 

Really? Come on lady!!! 

I am in no way trying to lessen and/or undermine the serious of breast cancer and/or the seriousness of a mammogram. But I am just digging for the serious lady in the room to help me out here. The entire process goes beyond what I consider embarassing. Plopping my pre-pubescent looking breasts on a table and watching them flatten into nothing while some stranger wraps her un-gloved hands around them pushing and pulling them into place.

Is this some form of torture? Some form of punishment for being a woman? Some angry scorned man’s way at getting back at the female population?

I want to say all these things and many more. But I don’t. She doesn’t seem to take my hints that a sense of humor here MIGHT help the situation for me. 

So I stand. I say nothing. I stare at the cream colored walls. 

Then I blurt out, “Geesh, you could have a tv on the wall, or a radio, or a dot on the wall…something we can look at.”

“Oh no, then you might get all caught up in the TV or something!” She quickly responds like a mother reprimanding her daughter. 

Wow. 

“Do you want to see the images?” She asks me. 

“Sure, I say.” 

“Wow, they are so clear!

“Yes, our machine does really well with younger more dense breasts.” She says looking straight in my eyes. 

Did she just call my breasts dense?

***

So when the pinching and pulling and squishing and flattening is finally done, I redress and skit and skiddadle as quick as I can out of there, praying I don’t have to go back.

But, what I don’t get is why …why couldn’t this woman smile? Or laugh? Or giggle? Or something! 

GEESH!!!

Happy Living!

Lee

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year from our home to yours! May 2010 bring you lots of JOY!

Fitness Mama – Lee

photo by Benn Dodds Photography www.bendodds.com

Health Club Etiquette

It is hard enough to make it to the club in the winter. Here in Minnesota the -4 degree temperatures don’t lure me out of the house. So lately it has been difficult getting there. 

Well the other day I finally made it there! I slowly took off my layers of clothing to protect me from the bitter cold and plopped myself up on the elliptical.

“Ahhh…finally this body can move!” (my body said sweetly to me)

I was thoroughly enjoying my time alone watching tv and my freedom from three boys and their loud voices, when I began to notice my surroundings. Really it all started with a piercing sound in my ear.

“Do I have an ear infection?”

“I hope not,” I answered myself.

I turned to my left to discover the high-pitched sound was the woman next to me talking on her phone. Laughing like the lady on “So You Think You Can Dance.” You know the one…the one who screams while she is laughing? Ugggh.

Really? You need to talk on the phone while you are working out? And scream like a wild monkey in the process? So I tried to distract myself with the TV when I accidentally made eye contact with one of the old guys who uses the gym to socialize. And he began walking my way.

Noooo. I wanted to scream.

Stay away you old fart!

But, he didn’t and the next fifteen minutes I listened to him tell me stories I had no interest in hearing. I tried to show how un-interested I was, but he failed to take the hint. He eventually grew tired of my lack of interest in his knee surgery, and something about his Christmas plans, and finally he made his way to another woman (who wasn’t on her phone) to try and interrupt her workout. What is it with these old men and health clubs? Do you ever notice they are never working out?

Back to my quiet time and workout when I began hearing another sound. This time it was like wild elephants marching next to me.

BOOM BOOM BOOM.

I looked to my right to find not a wild elephant, but an emaciated woman running…no not running but  stomping on the treadmill while holding tightly to the arm handles.  I made it very clear I was looking at the speed at which she was running…not because I was envious (which I assumed she was thinking I was) but because I wanted to send her a nonverbal cue that she OBVIOUSLY couldn’t run at that speed since she was holding onto the arms of the machine for dear life! someone please tell her that you really don’t get a workout when you are holding on to the machine! Not to mention how horrible it is for her back! Ugggh.

And my time, thank God, was almost up when I heard YET another sound from my giggling annoying phone talker on my left. Now she had her headphones on and was laughing at a tv show. Not quietly laughing, but a full-bodied deep cackle. 

I had it! Got off the machine and away from elephant feet and loud mouth, away from creepy old men. Put my sleeping-bag-like-coat on, hat and gloves and left as fast as I could. The most exercise I got was when I ran to my car to leave!

Moral of the story.

Buy a treadmill. Buy an elliptical.

Happy Living!

Lee

EXTREMES!

Last night after  12 hour day working with eating disorder patients I was anxious to chill on the couch and watch some brainless TV. The only options were;

1. The biggest Loser

2. Victoria’s Secret Fashion show

Really? Is this what our society has come to? On one show you watch people working as hard as possible to lose weight. The other show looked like a runway of anorexics. We live in a society of extremes don’t we? Bad or Good. Fat or Skinny. And these extremes are pounded in our heads through the media. 

So I ask you to consider as I do…what is the truth? The TRUTH is that God made bodies of all different shapes and sizes.Yep he did. We are not a one-size-works for all! And did you know that only 1% of the population has the genetic make-up to look like those Victoria’s Secret models! The rest of em…my guess is they are starving themselves. 

So what do we do with this land of extremes? How do we navigate it all? I encourage you to work towards body acceptance. Look at your body and when you aren’t living in extremes (over-eating or under-eating) what is your body shape, body size when you eat in moderation, exercise in moderation, and still enjoy life? Your body will find its homeostasis. And by not living in extremes your metabolism will level out. The yo-yo dieting, the overeating, the extremes will mess it all up. The key Fitness Mamas is BALANCE.  

So I turned those shows off, grabbed my book and curled up in my bed. I don’t need the media putting images in my mind. I just want to be the person I was meant to be. I want to feel good about who I am. I want to walk out of Hot Mama carrying my bag that says HOT MAMA and scream out “I AM OK WITH ME DESPITE WHAT THE WORD TELLS ME TO BE!” . . Not the person Victoria’s Secret tells me to be. BUT ME. With my imperfections, stretch marks, and flaws. That makes me REAL! 

So – join with me in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. don’t buy those magazines that fill your head with unrealistic images, watch shows that give you unrealistic ideas, or play around with your diet because of the latest trend! Take care of yourself. Do the things you love. Spend time with friends and family. Those are the things in life that matter!!

Happy Living!

Lee

Gratitude!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

- Melody Beattie